This is a difficult letter to write to you and I’m sure you won’t appreciate receiving it but it is important that I write to you. Over the last couple of years when I have visited you, you have behaved in a sexually inappropriate manner towards me. This has to stop. It is wrong, abusive, illegal and unhealthy certainly for me and I think probably also for you.
So this letter comes as an appeal to you, and also to some extent, as an ultimatum. I am not going to put up with this any more. I am not going to collude in behaviour that is just wrong. I am not going to put my physical, spiritual and psychological wellbeing at risk. I just cannot do it. Your behaviour has left me broken and hurting and I just cannot do it anymore.
I want to have a relationship with you. You’re my dad. I love you. But it cannot be a sexually abusive relationship. It has to be a nonsexual familial one. If you cannot abide with this then there can be no relationship. I don’t want that to happen but your behaviour has given me no choice.
I’m coming up for a fortnight in August. If anything remotely untoward happens when I am up, you will not see me again ever. This is not what I want but this is what your behaviour has driven me to. I can no longer be your bitch.
You need to reflect upon and consider your behaviour. For the past thirty years you have caused more pain, brokenness and sadness than I can bear. You have left me with a legacy of mental illness that I still struggle with. Only now am I rebuilding my life to be what I want to be, not to be the broken consequences of your behaviour. I am not going to jeopardise that. If you were Catholic I would suggest to you that you make your confession but you are not and I know the concept of confession is anathema to you. But you need to examine your conscience and take responsibility for your actions and their consequences.
I hope this letter acts as a warning call to you about your behaviour and the consequences of it. I hope that you are able to behave in an appropriate fashion. I truly want you to be my dad and to behave as a father should. That is all I’ve ever wanted. You can do it; you can overcome the temptation to behave inappropriately. You just have to want to and I’m begging you to want to.